After my usual relationship model failed to find a romantic boyfriend, I decided to go in the opposite direction and stop dating. I like Sam, but there are many things in him that I don’t want to make it into serious relationship. We continued to meet up each other, but we made it clear that we just kept it casual. After a hookup dating, we realized that our enthusiasm reached its highest point. So we set some basic rules for our friends with benefits relationship: we can date other people as long as we are honest with each other. We can go out to party and bar as friends. Until we get back to our place, we are hookup partners.
I am happy with Sam. He always come by on Friday night. We would order our favorite food and watch a movie. He would sing me songs in a thick western accent that l like most. He cooked me noodles and dumplings and we talked. And we would have the best nsa hook up I have ever had.
However, all good things come and go. One day, Sam told me that he met someone he wanted something serious, but if I wanted to take our relationship to the next level, he would break up with her. Although I like him very much, I know there are many ways we can never be a pair. Passion makes our pure hookups so beautiful, it also means that we often quarrel. The truth is that we often make each other angry; He drank all my expensive whiskey, and I hate him for smoking. Therefore, I encourage him to pursue the girl he likes. We spent another fwb dating night together and then broke up.
I projected my desires on these situation instead of listening and respecting what they told me at the beginning, which made me heartbreak.
I was a little disappointed because I really liked the casual hookup arrangement made by Sam and me. But this friends with benefits experience also made me see an amazing fact: if both parties agree, casual adult hookup can be great. Sam knew that I would never change to fall in love with him, so he left gracefully when he find someone right instead of trying to change my mind. He did not say that I was a bad person, nor did he say that I was selfish. He knew that all I could do now was casual adult affair dating, and when he wants more, he just walked away. In this case, I realized the bad mistakes I made to men when I was young. They told me clearly what kind of relationship they want, basically not to be together, and then they insisted on their point of view.
I projected my desire to our situation, instead of listening and respecting what they told me at the beginning, which made me heartbreak over and over again.
The problem is not fwb hookup, or that this is what they want. The problem is me, and there is denial. There are definitely some adult friend finders in the game who won’t tell you what they’re looking for, misleading you and letting you down, or they say they want something, but in fact they want something else. When someone tells you who they are, believe them for the first time. If someone you like say that they just look for friends with benefits, you should believe them.